The new Ben Affleck Batman movie reveled its title this week and people of the internet are not happy. But what else is new? I’m really starting to believe people just want to complain about every move the DCEU makes. There’s nothing wrong with the name The Batman. There was a Batman cartoon that ran for 5 seasons with that title. I prefer the shorter, more succinct titles. Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice is a mouthful of unnecessary nonsense. Batman and The Dark Knight are the best titles you could have used, so everything else is a step down anyway. I’m also a fan of not using sub-titles, the exceptions being rhymes or whatever you call that thing that Die Harder did. The name’s fine, and I look forward to The Batman. Now on with The Happy Friday.
I’ve been in many houses in my lifetime. Nowhere near every house, not even most of the houses, but enough that I can say I have never seen, in real life, a moderate sized house that has stairs in the living room and another set in the kitchen, both leading to an upper floor. Yet this pops up quite often on sitcoms. Like “Full House,” “Boy Meets World,” “Family Matters,” “Step By Step,” “The Cosby Show,” “8 Simple Rules,” that last one is confusing because their kitchen isn’t even closed off. There’s two stairways like 8 feet away from each other with nothing more than a couch between them. Yes, I know I probably spend far too much time thinking about sitcom architecture, but someone has to! Otherwise we end up with a hotel in Barbados that’s make no goddamned sense. Where did that bathroom in Joey’s room go? I’ll spend the weekend agonizing over this, you spend it having fun, or reading the internet.
There’s this Tostito’s commercial with some child’s birthday party. It’s all out of control because spoiled children mixed with sugar and other children is volatile. Then there are some adults calmly going to town on some Tostito’s chips and salsa. Not a care in the world for these folks whose taste buds have gone south of the border. Which is perfect because chips and salsa do in fact possess such magical abilities. Then one of these adults suggests having a similar such chaotic shindig next week in order to have more Tostito’s and salsa. This is stupid. You never need an excuse for chips and salsa. Some nights my dinner is exclusively chips and salsa. Cue the head of Tostito’s telling me he doesn’t know if single people eat chips and salsa, and frankly he doesn’t want to know. Single people are people too you know! All I’m saying, is enjoy some chips and salsa this weekend with a side of internet. Happy Friday.
I saw some graffiti of the anarchy symbol and thought it seems odd there’s a set symbol for anarchy. No government, complete disorder, and utter chaos, but let’s make sure I follow this order to create this logo as it’s known. People need to know our anarchy ways are organized. Wait what? It’s funny when you grow up and realize how impractical and ridiculous anarchy is as a political movement. Also, if you’re going to put the time and effort to deface property, at least do something clever and slightly artistic. Welp, there I go complaining about youths. I should be getting my AARP card any day now. Guess I’ll spend my weekend shopping for black socks to wear with my sandals before looking for garage sales. Let’s hope your weekend is better, and let’s start it off now!
It’s one of my favorite days of the year. The Rocky Mountain Showdown. Usually the start of the season where I spend time eating food in a parking lot much like a vagabond, then go watch a bunch dudes chase a ball. On paper it appears ridiculous, in practice it is. But it’s a bunch of fun and a great reason to see friends who I don’t get to see too often. I wouldn’t change a thing about it. So every year, when Labor Day rolls around, I start to feel the excitement and anticipation of spending the next few months with the tailgate posse cheering on the Rams. It’s better than a day home with a McChicken. So let’s flip the coin and kick this thing off! Continue reading “Happy Friday: Puttin’ On the Ritz”
On Sunday night I thought, “Is the wrestling pay-per-view tonight, or next Sunday? I should look that up.” Then I don’t know if I saw something shiny or started thinking about squirrels or what, but I immediately forgot all about the pay-per-view until I was on Facebook hours later and saw results. This is just one example of the brain lapses, poor sleep, and over all weirdness I’ve felt this week. I don’t know if it’s part of the curse of the summer solstice (I’m not even sure that’s a thing), effects from the strawberry moon, or just an off week because sometimes those happen. It’s in the past now, and I’m going to spend the weekend in the sun (with plenty of sunscreen) in hopes of resetting my brain. Or frying the damn thing, but that’ll be next week’s problem. Before that, let’s get to The Essentials: Manic Monday. Dammit, I mean Happy Friday.
There is a theory out there that every role Samuel L. Jackson has played since Pulp Fiction is just the things Jules has been doing since he decided to walk the earth. Which is fun to think about. Like he’s a bad ass version of Forrest Gump. But if you consider this idea when Vincent and Jules are in the bar before they hand the case over to Marcellus, you will notice Jules has his eyes locked on Butch. It’s almost as if this is the moment when he realizes that man is unbreakable. What a disappointing follow-up that movie was to The Sixth Sense. Here’s to hoping the weekend is a better follow-up to your week.
I have a “Never Forget Tony Sly” sticker on my car. Somehow (weather, car washes, whatever) it is losing a corner and is starting to read, “Never Forge Tony Sly.” Not the message I was going for, but still an important one. I hope your weekend can stay on message, and if not, may the new message still be a good one. Also, tomorrow is my sister’s birthday. Be sure to wish her a happy one if you see her. I’m sure she’ll only be slightly embarrassed by it. Or head to Odyssey Beerwerks and buy her a beer. Happy birthday, little sister!
There’s a live action version of Beauty and the Beast on its way. And we just saw a live action The Jungle Book. I have nothing against these, I even saw The Jungle Book and quite enjoyed it (Sam Raimi has a voice cameo) but I think it’s time to use this technology and characters for what we really want: live action TaleSpin. Then we can tackle the rest of the Disney Afternoon, Ducktales, Gummi Bears, Chip and Dale’s Rescue Rangers, and Darkwing Duck. There is no better time than right now for a Darkwing Duck movie. I’ll be writing a letter to Hollywood this weekend, that’s who I write to right? But first it’s time for some Friday time wasters. So let’s. get. dangerous.
There is a scene where Deadpool is handcuffed to Colossus and in order to escape he cuts off his own hand (don’t worry it’ll grow back). It’s semi-gross, though funny as Colossus is left with Deadpool’s severed hand. But what did Colossus do with that? Did he just toss it with the other dead bodies now strewn about the freeway? With the way Trask tries to use mutant powers to create mutant killers it doesn’t seem this is the wisest idea. So does Colossus need to take it back to X-Mansion for research or safety storage or something? Does the Blackbird have one of those hazmat disposal cans, like the ones generally intended for used insulin needles? Are there any mutants with diabetes? Based on actual numbers of mutants and cases of diabetes, there has to be, right? That’s a question for another day. Today I just want to know what was done with the hand. Maybe he boxed it up, mailed it to Brad Pitt and Morgan Freeman, and now Colossus is the villain in the X-Men/Se7en crossover movie, X-Se7en. I would say that took a weird turn, but it never started out all that normal. So here’s to hoping your Sunday ends the same path your Friday starts.