This year, I’ll try not to think too much
This year, I’ll try to stand up for myself
This year, I’ll live like I’ve never lived before
This is my year, for sure.
I woke up this morning, the first day of the final year of my thirties, feeling better than I have felt in far too long. Not physically, I’m old, have a terrible diet, and don’t work out nearly enough. I’m mediocre physically. However, my mental health is on an incredible up swing. I think this up-tick started with today’s video.
Visually, this video lacks. Just a pretty lady with an acoustic guitar in a home studio and a single, stationary camera shot. This video was picked more for the song. Jenn Fiorentino’s videos often make an appearance in my video nights. She takes all these punk songs I love, strips them of their distortion, and adds a lady voice to them, and I love it!
It was New Year’s Eve when this video was posted. Which maybe means I should have made it yesterday’s video, but whatever, these rules are arbitrary and I doubt anyone actually cares or has been fact checking. But also, shut up.
Feels like a bit of an obvious choice for New Year’s Eve to do a song called “100 Resolutions” but sometimes I appreciate things like that. But also, shut up. I was excited for a new cover from Jenn, but this was a Lawrence Arms song I was not familiar with. Most Lawrence Arms songs I’m not familiar with. Nothing against them, just not one of the bands in my regular rotation. Recently I came across an old concert ticket stub and was reminded I saw the Lawrence Arms once. They opened for Lagwagon. While I didn’t remember seeing them, I take that as a sign that I had an alright time watching them rock out.
So Jenn did her thing where she’s kick ass and records this great rendition of the song. I did that thing where I’m kick ass and enjoyed the song then decided I need to hear the original to figure out just how much of a kick ass job Jenn did. Using the grading system of the school I work at, she got a 4 in all the categories, except for the visual aspect as mentioned before.
The Lawrence Arms’ original version has since found a spot in regular rotation of my music. The song just rocks, but it was the lyrics quoted above that hit me just right, and I thought about them often last year as, I don’t know, a battle cry? Mantra? Hope for improvement on the shit show from the previous year? Whatever it was, it took the stage in my brain and encouraged a circle pit to mix shit up.
Like any rebuilding season, it didn’t happen right away. Little changes here and there, but one day things just started to click like Khoisan languages. I came to real and deep truths about who I am, who I was, and who I want to be, to borrow a phrase from the Bouncing Souls. I named my shortcomings and how to attempt to change them. I named my strengths and how to utilize them. I stopped the denial about how bad my depression was actually making me feel.
Now, I’m feeling better and sense some incredible changes coming for me. Changes for the better. Changes to ensure I live not only my best life, but also my favorite life. I’m just one year away from turning forty, and am the most excited about my birthday than I have been in quite some time.
And that’s just wonderful.
None of these feelings would be possible without all the love, support, and radness from all the people in my life. Or all the art that has always inspired me, and specifically the stuff that kept me going through these plague years. And of course punk rock that has dominated the majority of my life, and especially Jenn Fiorentino for bringing this song into my life and kick starting much needed change.
I hope you enjoyed this music video journey through my life. I had a blast choosing songs and videos, and taking these mini walks down memory lane. I’m pretty sure sharing music videos is my love language.
100 resolutions, and finally some solutions.
Stay rad! I love you.