Happy Friday: Here Comes the Hotstepper

It glows in the day time!
It glows in the day time!

There is a scene where Deadpool is handcuffed to Colossus and in order to escape he cuts off his own hand (don’t worry it’ll grow back). It’s semi-gross, though funny as Colossus is left with Deadpool’s severed hand. But what did Colossus do with that? Did he just toss it with the other dead bodies now strewn about the freeway? With the way Trask tries to use mutant powers to create mutant killers it doesn’t seem this is the wisest idea. So does Colossus need to take it back to X-Mansion for research or safety storage or something? Does the Blackbird have one of those hazmat disposal cans, like the ones generally intended for used insulin needles? Are there any mutants with diabetes? Based on actual numbers of mutants and cases of diabetes, there has to be, right? That’s a question for another day. Today I just want to know what was done with the hand. Maybe he boxed it up, mailed it to Brad Pitt and Morgan Freeman, and now Colossus is the villain in the X-Men/Se7en crossover movie, X-Se7en. I would say that took a weird turn, but it never started out all that normal. So here’s to hoping your Sunday ends the same path your Friday starts.

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I was just watching this documentary about road comics, called I Am Road Comic. They were speaking to T.J. Miller and he talked about the next batch of comedians being more polished because they have access to so much more stand-up and can fully hone their skills. Between Youtube, the influx of standup specials on Netflix, and of course Comedy Central he’s absolutely right. He brought this up because he said he had the ability to watch reruns of SNL and Kids in the Hall on the aforementioned Comedy Central to sharpen his comedy bone. I love Comedy Central and was thrilled with this oral history. But it does leave out how the cable provider I had growing up didn’t start showing Comedy Central programming until like 7pm, then ended around 2am or something. The rest of the time it was infomercials. Comedy Central shows a block of infomercials now, but growing up it was always an abrupt stop and had the sense of it was taking over and interrupting the infomercial feed. It was weird and annoying. But I relished those 7 hours. So if you enjoy comedy check out the oral history and if you enjoy stand-up comedy check out I Am Road Comic available now on Netflix.

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In the grand tradition of altering comic strips, i.e. Garfield Minus Garfield, I give you Robert Levy and his Tumblr of comic strip’s dialogue replaced with excerpts from Stephen King novels. I can’t decide which one is my favorite, but the idea of those Family Circus kids as the children of the corn is one of the most terrifying things I have been forced to consider. Especially when you think about it further and take into consideration when you’re following Billy’s tracks. Where is he leading you? What is about to happen? Oh god, noooooo!

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Here’s something fun I recently learned from GQ.com: they will sell your email. Most of it is annoying crap I couldn’t care less about, some of it is travel stuff which I have some interest in, and then there are the rare ones giving me a list of distillery trips I should take this year. Brewery tours are so passé, live in the now and go for the hard stuff. I wish I had this before my Toronto trip because that sake tour would be interesting. I guess I’ll just have to go back to Toronto. Shucks.

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Monday was unofficially Lagwagon Day, because they have a song (a kick ass song) called “May 16.” There are dumber reasons to have and unofficial day, so I’ll allow it. Also any reason to listen to this song is fine by me. In celebration of this day Lagwagon front man, Joey Cape, explains the song. SPOILER ALERT: it’s just another Saturday. And just for fun, here’s a song about growing a beard.

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“Life is a Highway,” Highway to Hell,” Highway to Heaven,” information super highway. Let’s face it, we love us some highway. Hitting that open road and traveling across the country is a favorite pastime in this nation. But what was it like to travel the country before our beloved interstate highway system? If I learned anything from the Oregon Trail, then traveling before highways was a mess of fording rivers and dysentery. I am so happy to live in the 21st century. This also brought up the random Wikipedia read of the month: Colorado’s own famous street, Colfax Avenue. Home to Casa Bonita, the Capital building, and Twist and Shout record store.

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“The babies were crying, and everyone else on set was making farting noises – that was the only way to keep them smiling. And, keep in mind this everyone’s job, so they’re taking the farting noises really seriously.” Movies and TV do their best to imitate real life, and sometimes this includes people, mostly women, giving birth. Just how is that bit of movie magic pulled off? With actual new-born babies, corn syrup, and some weird cream cheese/grape jam combo. Or just a doll, but be careful going that route. The real take away here is that fake movie births, while quite gross, are still not as gross as the real thing. That and everyone loves fart noises.

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Does the name Horatio McCallister ring any bells for you? Perhaps some kind of ship bell? He’s the sea-captain on The Simpsons. And he was created by Conan O’Brien, who wrote the monorail episode, (I’m legally obligated to mention that) and has become a lasting mark O’Brien left on the show. I have been an avid fan of the show all its life and I just learned this O’Brien created the Sea Captain thing. Perhaps you did too, and perhaps there are a few more things you may learn about this show. Or you’ll just think this the worst. Article. Ever.

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I was on a walk the other day when I saw the postal worker who usually delivers my mail. She was only a few blocks from my place, but it was still hours before my mail usually arrives. I started thinking more about all the things she has to do and how it will take her hours to get through the next couple of blocks to get to my place. I then passed some construction workers (man there is a lot going on in my neighborhood) and I watched them work and started thinking about their jobs. That’s when I realized these thoughts were results from listening to a podcast about the various jobs people do. It’s a pretty good podcast, you should probably check it out. It’s almost like having a parent’s career day at school, but right in your earballs. Not everyone has a traditional job, or one they can even talk about. The Jon of All Trades podcast has a Confidential Series with guests who have to talk vaguely about their jobs. But what if even that is too much? What do you do, and how does it feel to learn your parents are spies? Like real life working for the KGB spies? I’m sure it is exactly like a cross between Archer and The Americans. I have no reason to believe the networks of FX would lie to me.

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I remember once hearing a story about Todd Helton and under his jersey he wore a camo shirt because, “every game was like he was going into battle.” First, cool your pits, it’s a game. But second I like the mentality of going out and giving it your all. And if a shirt helps put you in that mind-set, then by all means. I even adopted this idea. For our improv shows we decided on blue dress shirts, but underneath I wear a Spider-Man shirt. It’s ridiculous but it gives me an extra sense of confidence. If Spidey can swing through Manhattan and capture thieves just like flies, then surely I can take the stage in front of a few dozen people and tell a story and make a joke or two. And for just a little extra boost, the Spidey shirt is from when he is over taken by the alien symbiote which gave Peter Parker more confidence and a sense of invulnerability. It’s all ridiculous fun, just like our improv show. There’s only two more shows left, meaning just two more chances to see The Only Show That Matters. Wednesday May 25 and June 1. After that you may never have the opportunity to see all of Class 77 together again. It’s a once in a lifetime chance. Get your tickets today, and tell your friends. The more people in the audience, the better we are. And I’ll say it again, once all the tickets are sold, I will shut up about it. $10 online, or $12 at the door. 7:30 pm the next two Wednesdays. Me and my Spidey shirt hope to see you there.

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In honor of the new Angry Birds movie I give you this

sigh
sigh

How do you do this and not put a bird on a middle finger?

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