Swan Dive

christ air

I know it’s been quiet around here. I haven’t posted anything for about two months. Sorry about that. Though no one has said anything, except for one person who asked why there’s no Happy Friday. But I have been dealing with some stuff and trying to figure out other things. Writing just wasn’t part of that. Although, it probably should have been. Actually I have started dabbling in some fiction work, but writing endings is hard. Everyone just dies on the way back to their home planet. But I’m going to rectify that, the posting on this site thing, not the space death endings. Ok probably the space death stuff, but that’s not the immediate priority. So expect the regular postings again.

But first I need to talk about something else and I’m going to start with some fitting song lyrics from Strung Out, “Now if you ask me what went wrong?/ When you’re fallin’ you’re the only one that doesn’t see the distance/sacrifice yourself to save yourself./Now we don’t always walk the line and broadcast how we hurt sometimes./And still at times it seems nobody want to know.”

I have been suffering from some minor depression and anxiety attacks. I’m broadcasting how I hurt. I’m working on it. I’m not writing this looking for sympathy or condolences. I don’t like that.I may not even promote this. I just need to write this for me. I just want to be treated like I always have been. But I realize for that to happen I need to treat people as I always have. I’m aware I have become distant and have been awful about returning texts and phone calls and have disappeared from social media. For which I am sorry.

I’m also writing this because I know it is important to talk about and admit these things. And I am big proponent of eliminating the stigma of mental health. I would be quite the asshole if talked the talk but didn’t walk the walk. But this has been one of the hardest things to write, which is part of why I relied on the words of Jason Cruz, that and Strung Out makes everything better. It’s hard to write because despite what I say, I do care about what people think of me. Especially the people who read my ramblings because you are mostly people close to me. I don’t want you to think of me as the sad and confused guy. Shit is a mess. I can put on a mask but I’m pretty sure it’s fairly thin and not hiding much. I want to be the fun-loving, sarcastic, jovial goofball you have come to know. In order to do that I have to identify and admit there is an issue, start working on rectifying it, ???, then profit. Ok not profit, but classic Jason.

So that’s the update with me and this site. There’s more writing to come. I thank you for reading and for all the love I have ever received. And here’s the thing, I may not be able to see the distance, but I know I will hit the ground soon, and that’s a good thing. Because it’s when one hits the ground that they are able to get back up again. And I will always get back up.

I realize I didn’t say much here, and was rather vague, but it was incredibly helpful for me. There will be a new Happy Friday in a couple of days, on Friday I suppose. Another new post next week, maybe more, we’ll see. So now some cliché about starting anew or whatever, or I can pretend I’m like Spidey trying to break free of the alien symbiote, or just listen to this acoustic cover of Strung Out.


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