Happy Friday #1.4: Homophone Addition

For now there are four examples of homophones
For now there are four examples of homophones

One of the things I already miss about work is knowing what day it is. Sure on occasion I would wake up and be off a day, but for the most part I would know. In this first week off I have had to check the calendar several times. Now I’m pretty sure this being posted on Friday, but if not, then happy pre or post Friday. Boy did I devolve into a mess quickly, but that’s enough about me, let’s get to the links.

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I love to travel. When I do so by plane I take into consideration my wonky digestive tract and try to take an aisle seat. That happens to be one of the things on this list, which I have been calling “Don’t be a Flying Dick.” If you want to be a decent human being then you’ll follow these as best you can. If you don’t want to be a part of this society, then follow these to avoid becoming part of a stand-up’s routine. Or at the very least, bring enough pancakes for everyone.

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Now something from the “…Um Actually” file. The N.W.A. biopic, Straight Outta Compton, was released to great reviews last weekend. But it was hard to hear Ice Cube rapping his distaste for law enforcement over the collective sound of audiences pushing their glasses up their noses as they point out the glaring flaw with Eazy E’s hat. Obviously this was the hat he should have been wearing before 1991. Equally as thugish.

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My Facebook page has been overwhelmed with the Straight Outta Compton meme where Compton is changed to some other place, like Straight Outta Fort Collins, or Straight Outta Endor, or Straight Outta New New York. Yeah lots of nerds on my feed, but that’s the way I like it. Anyway, of all the Straight Outta Compton parodies I’ve seen, this is by far my favorite. I can’t stop watching it and Zack Snyder should be taking notes.

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One of the fun things about unemployment is everyone offering suggestions of what you should do. While mostly I appreciate this, some of the suggestions can be a bit, well, wrong. Like someone who said I could be an Uber driver. All I could I think about with this option was the designated driver program, Ram Ride, that was offered during my time in Fort Collins. I imagine Uber’s clientele is mostly better than the drunken idiots that would utilize Ram Ride, myself included, but also I don’t want to risk that. And living in a state with legal pot, I really don’t want to put up with those people. Yeah, those people, I said it. What was my point? Oh yeah, here are some things you may not know about Uber and I’m almost certain none of these applied to Ram Ride. But God bless all those students who were willing to drive our drunk, dumbasses home. Especially that time Braden and I were yammering on about our movie idea that was basically Shrek meets Finding Nemo. College was amazing.

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Do you ever find yourself reading a film review and thinking how you wish it was written by the Incredible Hulk? I know I have. Because the internet is an amazing wish factory, that’s exactly what’s happening at Film Crit Hulk Smash. And just to add to this delicious sundae, here he is reviewing my favorite animated Disney movie.

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Like moo, or something
Like moo, or something

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There is a lot of pressure to being the messiah. I mean probably. Always having to be pious and shit, your water is constantly wine, and you never get to swim. I’m sure sometimes you’re bound to crack. So I can’t blame Jesus for the things He’s said or done here.

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I’m 32 years old but I will cry during every Pixar movie, I’m looking at you Bing Bong. But from what I understand, I’m not the only one. These film makers know exactly how to play our heart-strings like B.B. King plucking away at Lucille. This is not new either. It has been going on since those toys started walking around Andy’s room. While I for one am impressed by these cartoons making me feel things, some would argue that they have gone too far, or more specifically Toy Story and its sequels have gone too far. But say what you will, I’m still gonna see The Good Dinosaur, and probably ball once again.

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With all my health problems I have come to appreciate good doctors. But there is one that has always been my favorite and will probably always hold that top spot: Dr Pepper. I’m not trying to put down actual doctors with that choice, but Dr Pepper is truly amazing and is usually the first doctor I go to. I also know more about Dr Pepper than I do about any other doctor, ever. Not because I talk to the bottle, alone in my apartment, like it’s a can of vegetables that sounds like Bob Belcher. But because I read things like this as opposed to actual important articles.

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The terrible tattoo comes to us from a galaxy far, far away

Oh my
Oh my

And that’s how you make C3PO more obnoxious.

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