Happy Friday: Nowheresville


This week I learned Johnny Ramone, being the conservative member of the Ramones, earned the nickname the Klan from Joey Ramone. And the song, “The KKK Took My Baby Away,” is about Johnny stealing Joey’s girlfriend. I rather enjoyed this story, it’s very Fleetwood Mac. I have no way to actually verify its truthfulness, but I don’t care because it’s a fun story. But perhaps you prefer your Ramones less passive aggressive and more glue sniffy or sedated. Sounds like you have a weekend ahead of you. But before that, enjoy some internet. Or after. Yeah, sniff some glue then check out these links.


Sam Adam’s beers were never some of my favorite, usually only drinking them when the other options were much worse. But the first time I heard Jim Koch talk about beer I had a new respect for the company. The man spoke with such passion and enthusiasm it’s hard not to get sucked in and want to support him. So even if I may not like some of the beer his company makes, I have no disparaging words. His parting words here are to try to do it better. The big breweries are ignoring this and their ideas are just to change the cans and bottles beer comes in rather than the taste. To each their own stupid ideas, I guess.

Let’s stay in the beer cooler for a minute. It seems we may have reached critical mass for booze creations. With the number of local breweries popping up, and a new interest in smaller distilleries, as well as using every flavor known to infuse liquor, it was bound to happen. It seems all these options are too much for hipsters or millennials or whatever dumb label younger people are using these days, and they have ditched pub crawls for juice crawls. This is a good thing as it means there are less of these dip weeds in the beer pubs.


Some scientists are exploring the creation of the universe. Some scientists are trying to cure diseases. Then there are the real heroes, the ones trying to remove artificial color and flavor from Lucky Charms marshmallows while still maintaining the integrity of their magical deliciousness. There are more people working on this than it feels like there should be. Yet, at the same time, my love of cereal thinks there are not enough people working on this. To all my engineer friends not working on improving cereal while keeping it delicious, you are wasting your knowledge.


I get not everyone can be a cereal scientist, and most people probably don’t want to be one. Some people want to be rock stars, ballplayers, or umpires, apparently. I always wondered about the people who become umps or refs. There are too many teams that I loathe to ever be legitimately unbiased. But bully for these people to just like the sport for the game and the rules. But because I can’t relate to such people, learning about the school they attend to become pro umpires is cool as hell. And there’s something rather mesmerizing about watching a bunch of umpires all lined up then in unison move to watch the play and call the runner safe at second.


The season high number of three pointers has gradually grown each season, usually by no more than 10. Until this year when Steph Curry tore shit wide open hitting 116 more three pointers than he did last season. This graph is crazy and Curry is a beast. A 3-point sinking beast.


There’s nothing I have to say about Prince that I’m sure you haven’t heard several dozen times already. But if you haven’t watched this video of him and Tom Petty and others paying tribute to George Harrison, then you need to. If I’m actually promoting a song written by a Beatle then you have to assume something amazing happens. His Purpleness just shreds the shit out of his guitar. My earballs can’t get enough of it.


A lot has been said lately about Deadpool. He’s filthy; he’s super violent; I should not have brought my kids to his R rated movie. What I wasn’t expecting to hear about Mr. Pool is how he’s a feminist hero. Courtney Lindley has 11 points for this notion. Proving once again Wade Wilson is the hero for all of us, or some clichéd shit like that. While we’re talking Deadpool, another thing his movie totally did right was his costume, and Colossus’, and Teenage Negasonic Warhead’s. Basically, it was the best costume effort of all the X-Men films. The MCU gets it, Sony half understands, and Zack Snyder’s DC Murderverse has some work to do, but as the video points out, if cosplayers are doing it better than your multi-million dollar budgeted movie then you need make some changes. Maybe hire said cosplayers to your wardrobe department.


Also in Deadpool news, a theater in Utah received a fine for serving beer during the movie because the movie contains sex and there’s some Utah law that booze can’t be sold in places showing sex, or something ridiculous. I find it amusing that here in Colorado we can essentially sell beer at a marijuana store while right next door Utah is like you can’t sell beer where there’s nudity, or violence, or ice. Additionally, Utah’s Governor signed a bill declaring pornography a public health crisis. Utah is an amazingly beautiful state. There’s a ton to like about it. But it’s so backwards in its thinking that all the good stuff gets overshadow by the wacky, dumb ideas. Go ahead and celebrate not living under Utah’s rules by watching some porn. After all, it is flash Friday, or fetish Friday, or fi…whatever you’re into Friday.


It should be clear Utah is a place I would not like to live. Somewhere definitely on my list of places I would live is Chicago. I fell in love with the windy city almost immediately. One of the many appeals of the city is the food, especially Italian beef. I tried making my own here, it was good, but it wasn’t the same. Authentic Chicago Italian beef is utterly delicious and if I did move to Chicago I would get fat again in no time, and I wouldn’t even feel bad about it. Dammit, I just made myself hungry thinking about it.

And of course I’ll need an ice-cold drink to wash that down. Perhaps a Royal Crown Cola. No one’s buying that. By which I mean my statement and the soda. Honestly, what is the deal with RC cola? Oh, Mental Floss has some information about it. I was surprised to learn it actually is rather popular in Chicago. So I could wash my Italian beef down with a can (also the first soda to be sold in aluminum cans) of RC.


“Comin’ straight outta KPPX, crazy motha fucker named Chaz. From the gang called The Lone Rangers. When I’m called off, I got hot sauce, in a toy uzi, and Milo gets hauled off.” – Brendan Fraser in the Airheads/Straight Outta Compton mash-up, probably.


“And this one is so cool. It’s, uh, the Grim Reaper. See?”


“I’m gonna get some more cash and probably color it in or put some chaps on it.”

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