Happy Friday: Thee Ace of Spades!

Hans Fucking Gruber!
Hans Fucking Gruber!

Holy cow it seems like a lot has happened since I last wrote one of these. We lost a bunch of talented people, but they will always live on in their art and our hearts. The President had some bold words about gun control, but I try to keep the politics off of here so I’ll leave it at that. Oh the Power Ball got cray for totes realz. But that’s all stuff everyone already knows about. Because of that, I would like to share with you some of the more obscure stories from the past few weeks. You know how this works. Now let’s light this candle.

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I stole this first article from my friend Keith’s Facebook and his caption was simply, “I love nerds.” Which sums this up, well, succinctly. It got me thinking about a character on the show “New Girl.” He’s really bad at pranks where he either goes so tiny it’s unnoticeable and thus lame, or so big that it’s a criminal offense. So considering this scientist guy discovered plutonium and worked on the atom bomb, I think we lucked out with him deciding to go small and pretty dorky with his so-called prank. It’s so ridiculously stupid that it’s funny. I have to agree with Keith, I do love nerds.

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We faced some tough competition in the 48hr Film Project, and it would have been a lot tougher had Cook St. Productions got their film in on time. These four dudes are some of the funniest in the Denver film scene and they completely won me over with this Pitch Perfect/Room 237 parody. When they’re not making comedy films, they’re writing film analysis like this one that has helped an 80’s baby like myself figure out what our Star Wars or Harry Potter is. Basically, we’re too young for Star Wars and too old for Potter, so what do we have? You’ll have to read to find out, or offer your own suggestions. Either way, be sure to support local artists!

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My biggest problem with professional athletes is how so few of them seem like they’re having fun. They get to play a game for a living. Seriously, how great would it be to spend the whole summer getting paid to play baseball? Then you read these stories about these roided up monsters being complete ass wagons and it’s like why are you so angry (other than the steroid effects)? Which is why I will always be a fan of former Oakland Athletic Brandon McCarthy, despite the fact that he’s gone on to play for the Yankees, Dbags, and Dodgers (gross, gross, and gross). He answers fan questions like he’s totally aware of how ridiculous it is that he’s in such a position. The dude makes me laugh and he’s a pretty good pitcher too.

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Seems like everybody wants to make jokes about or rag on TSA. “What’s the deal with TSA?” is the new “What’s the deal with airline food?” I don’t fully understand why people feel the need to complain so much about TSA, and I say this as someone who always gets a pat down after passing through the body scanner. There’s something going on with my backside that triggers a pat down. I don’t get it, but whatever. Maybe I had a tail at one point that my parents have decided to not tell me about. Maybe my colonoscopy left something embedded in me, modern medicine, amirtie? Whatever it is, I’m always prepared for the pat down and I’m not going to let something so insignificant bother me. Besides they’re probably more annoyed than I ever could be.

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In my youth, so like three years ago, all my trips to Taco Bell would never involve the drive-thru. I always went inside for one reason: to get as many packets of Taco Bell sauce as I could. I was like that old lady with Frank’s Red Hot, I put that shit on everything! And the drive-thru would only give you like one packet per item. That’s not even enough for whatever I ordered! Then a couple of things happened, I become an adult (kinda) and they started selling the “Fire” flavor in bottles. I no longer had to steal excessive amounts of packets. Even so, the individual condiment packets were definitely one of the greatest and under-appreciated achievements of the 20th century.

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It seems weird that we as a species, or maybe it’s just Americans, really enjoy ranking and comparing things. Some of the most popular articles on the old internet are Top 10 lists. I’m guilty of both creating my own ranking lists and reading a bunch of them. For the most part they are fairly short, vapid, and almost always subjective. This one about the best rapper alive every year since 1979 is definitely not short, only slightly vapid, but still subjective though it offers quality evidence for each entry. I mostly agree with the list but I have few thoughts. Rappers don’t seem to have staying power. There are very few, if any, top rappers of the 80’s who are still making relevant hip-hop today. You think about the Stones, or Bowie, or Springsteen and how after decades they’re still making music people care about. It seems the only hip-hop artist to do that have been the Beastie Boys, maybe Snoop. It’s possible Jay Z, Kanye, and Eminem could, it’s just too early to tell. It just seems to be a genre that is constantly changing and most artist have a hard time adapting to the change enough to stay relevant. Which makes me wonder what we would be hearing from Tupac and Biggie if they were still alive. I may spend too much time over thinking about music. Regardless, I appreciate how much love Q-Tip is given in this article, that dude kills it! Oh, and point of interest, I found this article on Facebook, posted by Bill Nye the Science Guy who fully agreed with the ranking of Kurtis Blow. If you take anything from this Happy Friday, let it be that Bill Nye is a fan of Kurtis Blow.

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I started this week, as did most people, with my Facebook overflowing with the mourning of David Bowie. It was then when I realized that I have never met anyone who was ga-ga over Bowie like people get for other artist like the Beatles, Elvis, or Micheal Jackson. But at the same time I have never heard anyone who didn’t like Bowie. He is one of those rare artists that managed to appeal to everyone in at least some little aspect. I think about this quote, and I realize part of Bowie’s appeal was being the outcast weirdo. At some point we all feel that way and I think Bowie made many people realize it’s not only ok, but it can be cool. We all say we don’t care what people think, and for most us that just isn’t true. Bowie never gave a shit. He appealed to a sub-conscience aspect most of us are too afraid to let loose. Either that or the cod piece he was rockin’ in Labyrinth hypnotized us all. His reach and appeal was truly amazing. As CM Punk tends to say: Rest in Power, spaceman!

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Peter Bowie is Spider Stardust
Peter Bowie is Spider Stardust

Oo de lally, Oo de lally, Golly what a day

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