Happy Friday # 1.8 A Song of College Days

Your mom goes to college.
Your mom goes to college.

I just made a trip to 7-11 for some caffeine and came across Cracker Jack peanut butter popcorn. That was a combination of words I could not pass up. So I didn’t. And I will tell you it was the decision of the week. Now that I’m full of peanut buttery goodness and hopped up on caffeine we can let the weekend begin. I have big plans, so peanut butter Cracker Jack was just the tip. But before those plans let’s confer with Mario, prop masters, and Public Broadcasting. The essentials to a good weekend.

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I have mentioned (a few times, maybe) participating in the 48 Hour Film Project. Last time it was to promote the Best Of Screening. That screening has come and gone and I have the privilege of announcing that our film snagged 3 awards: 2nd Runner up for Best Film, Best Directing, and Best Special Effects! I, and the whole team, are just through the roof! It feels cliché to say we didn’t do it for the awards, and we didn’t. We did it for fun and to grow as film makers, but still winning an award, or 3, is pretty great. Be part of an award-winning film, check. Be on the t-shirt, check. Not much left to do, guess I can get started on that EGOT quest. The 48 Hour Film Project has done their screenings,  which means we can share our film as we please. So I now present to you, our award-winning short film Catastrophe! I’ll shut up about it now, at least until Brad enters it into another festival.

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Do we like things because they are cool or are things cool because we like them? This video explores our desire to consume what is cool. I like it because it falls into that Sven diagram of psychology and marketing. I love thinking about the brain and how it does what it does and how companies attempt to gain our money. Yeah, I’m that cool guy that thinks about the brain and commercials, a real hit at parties.

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In order to retain some street cred, and when I need a break from thinking about the brain and advertising, I think about rap music. Mostly I do this because rap music is both awesome and stupid. By far the most ridiculous music there is, and I love it! But sometimes the lyrics are just too much. For example, Biggie Smalls raps, “If you got a gun up in your waist please don’t shoot up the place/Why?/Because I see some ladies tonight that should be having my baby, baby.” Is there really some dude brandishing a gun who is going to reconsider what he’s about to do because some other guy sees chicks he wants to bang? If so, why did we not have Biggie using this power of persuasion for a larger global good? “Yo, Iran, can you not with the nukes? There’s still a bunch of shorties on this planet that need to call me Big Poppa.” I’m not alone in realizing these rap guys are ridiculous as Kumail Nanjiani takes Ice Cube’s “It Was a Good Day” down a peg or two.

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In the movie linked to above, there is blood splattered. A little secret of the industry, it’s not real blood. No one was willing to donate what we needed, oh and the health issues, so we used a concoction of watered down chocolate syrup. When it comes to movies there are all sorts of tricks needed to make what we are seeing believable. E.T. was a puppet, the ark of the covenant didn’t actually melt faces, and Michael Clarke Duncan was two guys in a suit. While those are all obvious, one I have often wondered about is cocaine. Though it does seem likely some of the actors would be willing to use the real stuff, often there’s not enough in the budget for that. So what do they use when they’re not willing to subject their actors to an illegal narcotic? Sugar? Baking powder? Sand? Obviously not sand, that would hurt like the Dickens.

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1985 was a very productive year. That was the year Doc Brown mostly perfected time travel; and as I pointed out last week both The Breakfast Club and Better Off Dead turned 30. Also celebrating the big three-oh this year is Super Mario. From Goomba stomping, to go-kart racing, to super smashing, Mario has done a lot in these 30 years, and most of it done in hopes of wooing a princess. We got his friends, family, and enemies to read these facts in another episode of “This Is Your Life.”

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Before I quit the drink I was an avid fan of beer, and more specifically, craft beer. The craft beer movement exploded over the last decade, so much so that they are no longer called micro-breweries because they are not that micro anymore. This craft beer renaissance has the big boys scared, to the point that during the last Super Bowl Budweiser ran an ad attacking craft beers. Now it has pushed Anheuser Busch to the point of attempting to team up with their longtime rivals, Miller. AB InBev is planning on making a bid to buy SABMiller. Soon we won’t have to be specific when we order. We can just ask for “a beer” like in movies and TV.

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Some prison guards are making too much noise as they make sure inmates aren’t dead. I will admit most of my understanding of our penal system comes from Sons of Anarchy and Arrested Development so I won’t try to preach about the reform needed. What I will say is what the fuck? The prisoners are registering noise complaints about the guards. I was unaware the incarcerated could register official complaints and that someone would listen and attempt to rectify the situation. If you wanted an uninterrupted night of sleep maybe don’t commit a crime. You’re not staying in a Hilton, or even a Motel 6. It’s a federal prison. You’re not being woken up for turn down service, you’re being accidentally woken up while people make sure you are not dead. Now stop complaining. I realize I wrote this as if I’m talking to the inmates, which doesn’t make much sense as I doubt they can access this site. But if they are reading this, remember: NO TOUCHING!

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Being a fan of both The Colorado Rockies and the Oakland A’s causes me to loathe divisional and cross bay rival San Francisco Giants. The other night when Bumgarner was working on a perfect game I turned it on in hopes that my watching would jinx him to blow it. I’m not saying that I had any effect, but the first pitch as soon I turned it on was hit right to the gap and the perfect game was gone. So it was hard to read this piece and hear the Giants team is full of a bunch of good guys. But I always enjoy players talking about their transition from the minors to the majors and this is a pretty one. The fact that it’s the Giants is the only downside.

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Here’s a story that allowed me to think about the brain some more as well as relate it to the greatest cartoon of the 31st century. The brain is in control of all we are and is this amazing thing, but we still know so little about it. Neuroscience is awesome and I commend this young woman on her choice to help advance it. I also commend her on treating cryonics with respect and not jokingly like most people I know would. I am imagining her head being kept in a jar like a president or other famous people, or like in that Steve Martin movie. And her boyfriend carrying it around and talking to it. Welp, there goes all the dignity this article once had. And I did it without even mentioning boneitis.

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Why? Just Why?

Does it help him eat his shorts?
Does it help him eat his shorts?

¡Ay, caramba!

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