Happy Friday # 1.12 Teletubbies of the Apocalypse

There is no difference between Teletubbies and Apocalyptic Teletubbies
There is no difference between Teletubbies and Apocalyptic Teletubbies

Have you been watching the Major League Baseball postseason? It has been amazing through the first round. The Cubs crushed the ball in their dominance over the Cardinals. Astrober (don’t call it that) came to an abrupt end. And of course the bat toss that Deadspin dubbed, “The first posterization in the history of Major League Baseball.” Exciting stuff and there’s still the ALCS, NLCS, and the World Series. We’re going to try to follow such a week with a fun weekend and to start it off, another edition of Happy Friday. Oh, and in case you forgot, this guy plays professional baseball, was in the NLDS, went through a hellish ordeal to leave Cuba for the US, and is completely afraid of thunder.

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My pal Jon got me into DDP Yoga, which is yoga taught by professional wrestler Diamond Dallas Page. He designed this particular yoga to appeal to people who are into wrestling and maybe found yoga to be a bit lame. In doing so he used some of the position names more appealing to such a demographic. One time in improv class, Jon was using yoga in his scene and used the real names of poses. I felt like Phoebe when she was teaching Joey guitar and he uses the actual chord names rather than the weirdo ones Phoebe made up. It doesn’t matter if you call it “happy baby” or “dead bug” because yoga poses cannot be copyrighted. Also, apparently that was something someone was trying to get a copyright on.

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Have you ever wondered what First Ladies as dogs would look like? I never had either, but when I saw Heather Morgan demonstrate just such a thing I realized my life had been empty and then I laughed for days. This is by far in my Top 5 favorite sketches of all time. It’s so simple, kind of stupid, but executed perfectly. It is a great example of why The Dana Carvey Show was underrated and how bizarre it was. SNL showed me what sketch was, but The Dana Carvey Show and The Kids in the Hall were the two that really got me hooked on the sketch drug. And this week I found an article about each show! Then sought out the Heather Morgan sketch because I want to share it with the world!

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It’s always a real joy to read a story about an engineer actually doing something cool with his or her engineering abilities. Usually it’s just some dorky thing I don’t understand, and graph paper. Seriously, what is it with engineers and graph paper? I have no real issue with engineering, I just like giving my dorky friends shit for basically being smarter than me in math. Me and math don’t get along. I try not to let the feud math and I have cloud my appreciation of engineering and other sciences. I know they are awesome and essential. I just shut down with numbers.

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Ever wonder why “yo’ mama” jokes are so popular world-wide? No it’s not because yo’ mama is an international hoe. It’s because “mama” is one of the few words that sounds similar in many different languages. But why is that? So that your mom can be an international hoe.

Oh, snap!

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Ok, I’ll lay off your mom, since everyone else is laying on her. OH! I want to move on to the whole family, and how we can make the biggest, sloppiest mess we can. Just goop and slime everywhere. All under the guise of a game show. If you figured out I’m talking about Double Dare then you just won a Yamaha keyboard, some BK shoes, and a trip to Nickelodeon Studios in Orlando, FL. If you were a “90’s” kid, Double Dare was the best game show you watched when you weren’t home sick. It was a quiz show that punished your lack of knowledge with a messy physical challenge, then gave the ultimate reward of a run through the “Slopsticle Course.” So whether you were right or wrong, eventually you would be covered in guck, The “Slopsticle Course” is something I would still love to participate in. The only way I would ever stay at a surprise party thrown in my honor is if there was a “Slopsticle Course.” I hope you’re making notes for my upcoming birthday.

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Recently Jon and I had a discussion about those rap guys and how some of the most popular ones are actually lacking in rap skills. One of the people listed was Jay Z. His flow could be much smoother, and how he rose so high is bit peculiar, though if you ask Nas it’s because he rode the coat tails of and stole from Biggie. We’re not alone in this thinking, by “we” I mean me, Jon, and Nas. Phillip Mlynor has 14 examples of Jay Z being out shown by other rappers, and on his own tracks! Sometimes the collaboration can blow up in your face. Though the collabo is the only way Dr. Dre can get you to listen to his jams. Go ahead, name a Dre song that doesn’t feature Snoop, Eminem, Nate Dogg, Tupac, or a member of NWA.

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Any port in a storm. I mentioned a few weeks ago AB InBev had intentions to buy SABMiller. Turns out it might be more than just becoming the only port. The DOJ, the Department of Justice, is investigating this merger because there could be a ton (tun?) of shady things going on here due to the distribution laws currently in place. Essentially taking out their competition’s ability to get into stores and ultimately into consumers. I see resorting to distribution tactics as an admission that the InBev beers are inferior to the craft beers. It’s like the old saying, “If you can’t beat them in the taste buds, stick a banana in their tailpipe.”

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When the weekend rolls around it can be tempting to just fully let loose, but just remember there is always a place known as too far. Some police in Ohio found that out when they responded to a call from a 22-year old man surrounded by Doritos, Chips Ahoy, and Goldfish Crackers. Probably not the best time for a snack that smiles back.

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I’m entirely guilty of this and it’s something I am trying to change. There is an amazing world all around us but we often ignore it to focus on some stupid rectangle. I am getting better but this photo project was really an eye-opener to just how ridiculous I probably look. But if you’re going to comment on my cell phone use all I can say to you is, “You don’t know my life!”

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Here’s just a guy practicing for American Ninja Warrior. No big deal? Or is it? Let this be a reminder that your weekend is what you make it out to be. Might as well enjoy it anyway you can!

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May your weekend be magical.

Beautiful, man
Beautiful, man
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