Pontiac Blues

Here in Colorado there are a variety of license plate options. Maybe too many, but that’s not my place to say. There are the two standard ones of green-mountain peaks against a white sky, or white-mountain peaks against a green sky. Then there are ones for charity supporting a cause like breast cancer or adopt a greyhound, noble causes even if those little horses are ugly, ugly dogs. When I see any of these, and most of the other ones I don’t think twice. But there are few that always bring up the same thoughts when I see them. These are those thoughts.

“Go Rams!” Yeah not a lot of depth to this one. I see this one quite a bit as I have many CSU alum friends. So I usually have a follow up thought of, “Do I know that person?” Usually no, but I like to pretend we’re friends. The road can be a lonely place, even in bumper to bumper traffic.

“Ugh this person is probably a disgusting terrible human being.” I like the Broncos. I root for them, I have my Joel Dreessen jersey (see above) that I wear on game day. But NFL fans are the worst. I know this is a rash judgement, but I can’t imagine anyone who would actively put any NFL team on their license plate is someone I want to know.

“Fuck Christopher Columbus.” Every year there’s a holiday (that I don’t get off of work) and a parade that clogs up downtown to celebrate a man who got lost, destroyed cultures, then ultimately decimated indigenous people. He’s not one who should be celebrated and it’s the strong Italian-American influence that keeps this bag of ass in our collective conscious. That’s my only beef with Italian-Americans. Delicious Italian beef.

Full disclosure, these are the plates I have. I love hockey and the Avalanche. Ain’t no shame. When I see another car with the Avs plates I feel like a dog who sees another dog. I immediately want to be friends and ask if they saw that sick goal from the last game.

“This dirty hippie is probably a horrible driver because that’s an automobile not a bike. Ha, I’m so clever and no one here to hear these great zingers. Oh how the road is a lonely place.”

I have only seen the Nuggets plates on a couple of cars, they were expensive cars. So I assumed they belonged to actual Nuggets players. But when I speed up to see if the driver is in fact a member of the team I realize my plan is flawed as I have no idea what any of the current Nuggets players look like.

Ultimately I like that there are plate options. It spices things up and from my basic understanding, they raise money for charity. But neither of these will stop me from making snap judgements. At least it’s something to do on the lonely road.