Blinded By Science

Moon

One of the main reasons I chose to study psychology was because I was incredibly fascinated by where thoughts come from. I’ve been a semi-professional writer for several years and there is always that sense of what am I going to write. Sometimes articles have to be forced, other times it is easy to focus on current life events, and other times unexpected inspiration shows up. It’s this unexpected inspiration that I like looking into and trying to understand. And that brings us to something that happened last night.

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I Want a New Drug – Part II

At least it's not a suppository

When you’re a child your concept of time is all sorts of wacky, so you have no idea what eight weeks means. When you’re an adult you have a better idea. And when you’re an adult who is having medical problems and you have an eight week screening process to find out about a clinical trial that you hope will help you feel as close to your normal self as possible then you know exactly how long eight weeks is. Even with all that going on, or because of it all, these last eight weeks went by pretty quickly.

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Closing Time

Closing Time

When I started writing this article it was going to be a piece about the joys and boringness of spending 16 some hours by yourself in a car. But that mostly turned into a boring piece about how excited I was for a new playlist I made. I had hoped to gain insight and figure out a few things while I was so alone with my thoughts. As it turned out the best thought I had was about the word “dickwad” and that ended up sounding a lot like Louis C.K.’s bit about a bag of dicks. However, what these 16 hours did provide were idea seeds. Tiny little thoughts got planted and over the next month they bloomed into actual ideas and insights. The first one to bloom bright in my flower garden of insights was closure.

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The Essentials: An American Paradox

An American Paradox
An American Paradox

In “Seeking a Friend for the End of the World” with impending doom, Keira Knightly’s character grabs several records before fleeing her home with the hopes of listening to them one last time. The Essentials is an ongoing series about the ten, in no particular order, albums I would grab in such a similar situation.

 

In 2012 Strung Out went on a tour where they played their albums Suburban Teenage Wasteland Blues and Twisted By Design in their entirety. These are both strong albums, and honestly I would see Strung Out if they were playing a Barry Manilow album. My pal Jon and I went and were not disappointed. As we walked back to the car after the show I made the weak joke that for an encore they should have played their album An American Paradox. Jon continued by saying or at least the song “Velvet Alley.” Then I added another, then he did, until we named most of the album. It was at that moment that I realized just how much I enjoyed An American Paradox.

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I Want a New Drug

Cocaine is not my new drug

The thing about having a chronic medical condition is you can’t always guarantee that you’ll keep it in check. That is an issue I recently had. My colitis decided it had had enough of lying dormant and it wasn’t digging its daily dose of drugs. It wasn’t enough for the colitis to rebel against me, it decided to get the liver involved. All of this was causing huge problems, mostly a good dose of light headedness, which is fun at first, like some wonderful drug trip. Then it started affecting my day to day.

I took all this information to my doctor, he couldn’t quite pin down what the problem was, but had some ideas. First idea was to have an ultrasound of my liver, and see what’s going on there. Then follow that up with another colonoscopy. My second one and I’m only 31 years old.

Neat. Continue reading “I Want a New Drug”

For All The Unheard

Everyone, to some degree, seeks a way to let out their creativity. It is more apparent to some such as the painter or baker. For others it can be less obvious like the person working on a car engine, or the parent encouraging their child’s imagination. But for many, no one ever gets to see our creative output. It all just gets left on the floor of the closets of our minds.

My creative outlet is writing, and for four years I had a wonderful opportunity to share it with the world. While the world never jumped on it, there were a loyal few who did, and to them I am grateful. While the love and passion for creating wasn’t always there, this was something that I loved.

I wasn’t sure just how important the website I wrote for was to me until we decided to go on a much needed hiatus. It was during this break that the Bouncing Souls’ “For All The Unheard” randomly came on one day. I stood there listening to the words, words that seemed to be speaking for my heart, and I started to weep. Was my passion gone? Were all my aspirations, my amusing insight, my writing just going to end up in some forgotten folder on old hard drive somewhere? Was I ok with this happening? I was burnt out and happy to have the break, but at the same time I was worried and scared that was going to be it; another in the line of failed creative pursuits.

Eventually we returned to the site, and let it run its course. It never became what we hoped it would be, and ultimately we shut it down for good in 2012.

I didn’t feel the sting I felt during the hiatus. We had a long discussion about ending the site, and sent it off in a worthy style. I believe this allowed me to have more closure. It is also possible I had more confidence in myself that I could and would keep on creating and nothing is ever permanent. While what I have created has only graced the pages of Microsoft Word documents, it does exist and has just been waiting for me to choose when to unleash it upon others.

That time is now.

I have always felt a strong connection with the music of the Bouncing Souls, and have made many references to this connection in past writing. So with that connection still strong within me I am striking that guitar, I am picking up those songs left in the closets of my mind, I am bringing back the passion in my heart and unleashing all the unheard I have left behind.

I hope you’ll join me as I unleash the weirdo thoughts in my mind like I used to do, as well as speaking more from my heart. You might learn a thing or two, and at worst you get to not work for a few minutes.

It’s time to bring it back.